Hello everyone!
Earlier, I thought that this was a post I should have done when starting this blog. But I decided against it in an effort to stay anonymous. Obviously, that didn't pan out. And making myself somewhat known has worked out loads better than anonymity ever could.
Anyways, here are a few things I feel you should know about me. My husband and I have been married for almost seven months. He's a military man, and we mad a move 1,000 miles away from our hometown right after we got married. There wasn't a church, dress, cake, or a reception. We eloped. Don't worry, we've been friends since I was fifteen and both of us liked each other in high school. He dated other people, and so did I. When it finally came time and he tried to make his first move, I rejected him to focus on getting a decent scholarship to get into college.
A few years passed after I graduated, we started talking again over Facebook and texting, and then it was my turn to get rejected. He was stationed in Europe for two years, and he had gone through a rough patch when I told him that I had more-than-a-friend feelings for him. (And yes, I did tell him I had "more-than-a-friend" feelings for him.) Long story short, we started dating a little over a year ago, and he flew me out to see him for spring break. After that, we both knew that all the time we spent looking for our soulmate, we were staring each other in the face.
We moved shortly after we moved from our hometown, he surprised me with the best gift a 21 year old girl could ever ask for; a puppy. Copper was a whopping eleven pounds when we got him, and from the second he was in my arms, he's stuck with me ever since. As I'm typing this post, he's snuggled on the couch next to me hoarding all my throw blankets. My husband gets Copper's attention only when he comes home from work. Other than that, this little puppy follows me all over the house, and I swear, he knows exactly what I'm saying.
For the most part, I would like to keep my name and the name of my husband/family anonymous. That's only because I'm afraid of my identity getting stolen, getting abducted, having random strangers start following me...you get the picture. It's a very scary world out there, especially for someone with anxiety.
If you haven't already guessed it, I'm into a plethora of nerdy things. Star Wars, Star Trek, Eragon, Harry Potter, reading, computer games, dog training, eating, cooking, baking, The Office, Supernatural, and a zillion other things that will be popping up here in the blog from time to time. Writing is a huge part of my life, and it feels amazing to finally be utilizing my passion.
If you'd like to see more of this side of me, go follow me on Twitter (@planet_ember)!
I would love to learn more about my readers, so please comment or email me. You guys are a huge part of why I started this blog in the first place. If I can help one person through my writing, then I have succeeded.
Have a wonderful Friday and weekend, all of you!
Live long and prosper.
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Monday, January 25, 2016
Puppy Parenthood: Obedience Training
Puppies love to follow their human parents all around the house, they love to adventure into new areas of their new house, and they love getting into trouble. With their mouths they learn what's in their new environment. Obedience training snaps the puppy out of that put-everything-in-my-mouth mindset and focuses their attention on you.
The quickest way to train your new puppy is food. Find a treat that they can't get enough of, and give them one or two so they know you have treats. The first command to teach them, and the easiest, is "sit." Put the treat in front of their nose, let them smell it. Then lift the treat so their head goes from down to up. As a natural reflex, they should sit. When they do, immediately say "sit" and praise them for doing what you asked. The treat is their reward for doing the command.
Once they master "sit," which is the easiest to teach a new puppy, move on to "come." Call their name and get their attention. Show them you have a treat and tell them "come." When they come to you, have them "sit." Then give them the treat and praise them. (Having them sit before giving them the treat reinforces the sit command, and puppy awaits your next command.)
"Down" is harder to teach them, but not impossible. First, put puppy in the "sit" position. Then put the treat in front of their nose. Let them smell/lick it so their focus is completely on that treat. slowly bring it toward the ground. (Don't let puppy have it until they start going into the "down" position!) A puppy owner myself, this took a few days for Copper to learn. Don't force puppy into the position. It helps if you put one hand on their haunches, without applying pressure, and then bring the treat down to the floor. Being in this position is a sign of submission in dogs, so you can imagine that your rebellious fur baby wouldn't want to give up all his/her power! If your puppy gets halfway to the floor in the "down" position, give them a treat. They're doing what you want them to, and a little coaxing goes a long way. Once they understand what you want from them, it clicks in their puppy brains and they lay down. Praise and treat giving immediately after they fulfill the down command solidifies that they're doing what you want.
After they have mastered "sit," "come," and "down," move on to "stay." If you have a puppy that loves to be with you constantly, this is the trickiest of them all to teach them. Start with putting puppy in the "sit" position. From there, put your hand out in front of you with your fingers together and tell them "stay." Take one step back, then repeat the command "stay." Move back in front of puppy and give them praise for staying in the "sit" position while you moved away. This is a HUGE step for them. Every day, take one step further away than the last. If puppy moves out of the "sit" position before you allow them to, then take a step or two closer to them; they weren't ready for that distance. They will learn to stay whether they're near you, can see you, or even hear you. It takes patience and practice.
You might feel like these won't help you get any peace when trying to get ready for your day, when you're cooking, when you're cleaning, or when nature calls. Teaching puppy "out" is a lot like the command "come," just the opposite way from you! Point to the exit of the room/area that you don't want them in. Firmly tell them "out" and usher them out of the room/area. When they pass through the exit, praise them and give them a treat. Put them in a "sit-stay" position, and go about your routine. If they come in, do the command again until they understand. They will catch on to this one quickly, especially if they can see you.
Since they love everything about you, puppies love to grab hold of anything and everything of yours that they can fit in their mouths. Teaching them "leave it" snaps them out of that curious mindset and puts their focus on you. Put puppy in a "down-stay" so they know they'll be in that position for a while. With a treat, put it on the ground with your hand covering it and tell them to "leave it." With your free hand, gently move their head to look at you and repeat "leave it." When their eyes meet yours, give them the treat and praise them for completing the task. It's important not to reward them until their eyes meet yours. Once they finally look at you, it means their focus is no longer on that treat in your hand. Repeat this exercise daily until they look at you and hold your gaze until you release them from that position.
Having a command to let puppy know they are no longer required to sit, stay, come, leave it, etc. is important. For my puppy, we use the word "release." It let's him know that he's done what I asked him to do, and he can have his reward. You can choose any word that your puppy responds to best. Once you do, stick to it and be consistent with it.
Hand signals can be taught to puppy after they learn the initial command of your voice. It's easier for them to make the connection between the command and your hand signals. After they get used to the signals, don't always give the verbal command and vice versa. You will have a well behaved puppy that listens and obeys what you tell them to do, and it will benefit both of you as they grow older. These are some basic commands that I taught Copper from the moment that we got him, and he now knows how to roll over, play dead, spin, will leave treats that I randomly place on his body, heels on a leash, gets off/out/leaves whatever I don't want him on or to have, and alerts me when I start having a hive outbreak and start scratching anywhere on my person.
At the end of the Puppy Parenthood posting, I will be posting a video of all the tricks and tips of training your new puppy.
Until then, live long and prosper.
The quickest way to train your new puppy is food. Find a treat that they can't get enough of, and give them one or two so they know you have treats. The first command to teach them, and the easiest, is "sit." Put the treat in front of their nose, let them smell it. Then lift the treat so their head goes from down to up. As a natural reflex, they should sit. When they do, immediately say "sit" and praise them for doing what you asked. The treat is their reward for doing the command.
Once they master "sit," which is the easiest to teach a new puppy, move on to "come." Call their name and get their attention. Show them you have a treat and tell them "come." When they come to you, have them "sit." Then give them the treat and praise them. (Having them sit before giving them the treat reinforces the sit command, and puppy awaits your next command.)
"Down" is harder to teach them, but not impossible. First, put puppy in the "sit" position. Then put the treat in front of their nose. Let them smell/lick it so their focus is completely on that treat. slowly bring it toward the ground. (Don't let puppy have it until they start going into the "down" position!) A puppy owner myself, this took a few days for Copper to learn. Don't force puppy into the position. It helps if you put one hand on their haunches, without applying pressure, and then bring the treat down to the floor. Being in this position is a sign of submission in dogs, so you can imagine that your rebellious fur baby wouldn't want to give up all his/her power! If your puppy gets halfway to the floor in the "down" position, give them a treat. They're doing what you want them to, and a little coaxing goes a long way. Once they understand what you want from them, it clicks in their puppy brains and they lay down. Praise and treat giving immediately after they fulfill the down command solidifies that they're doing what you want.
After they have mastered "sit," "come," and "down," move on to "stay." If you have a puppy that loves to be with you constantly, this is the trickiest of them all to teach them. Start with putting puppy in the "sit" position. From there, put your hand out in front of you with your fingers together and tell them "stay." Take one step back, then repeat the command "stay." Move back in front of puppy and give them praise for staying in the "sit" position while you moved away. This is a HUGE step for them. Every day, take one step further away than the last. If puppy moves out of the "sit" position before you allow them to, then take a step or two closer to them; they weren't ready for that distance. They will learn to stay whether they're near you, can see you, or even hear you. It takes patience and practice.
You might feel like these won't help you get any peace when trying to get ready for your day, when you're cooking, when you're cleaning, or when nature calls. Teaching puppy "out" is a lot like the command "come," just the opposite way from you! Point to the exit of the room/area that you don't want them in. Firmly tell them "out" and usher them out of the room/area. When they pass through the exit, praise them and give them a treat. Put them in a "sit-stay" position, and go about your routine. If they come in, do the command again until they understand. They will catch on to this one quickly, especially if they can see you.
Since they love everything about you, puppies love to grab hold of anything and everything of yours that they can fit in their mouths. Teaching them "leave it" snaps them out of that curious mindset and puts their focus on you. Put puppy in a "down-stay" so they know they'll be in that position for a while. With a treat, put it on the ground with your hand covering it and tell them to "leave it." With your free hand, gently move their head to look at you and repeat "leave it." When their eyes meet yours, give them the treat and praise them for completing the task. It's important not to reward them until their eyes meet yours. Once they finally look at you, it means their focus is no longer on that treat in your hand. Repeat this exercise daily until they look at you and hold your gaze until you release them from that position.
Having a command to let puppy know they are no longer required to sit, stay, come, leave it, etc. is important. For my puppy, we use the word "release." It let's him know that he's done what I asked him to do, and he can have his reward. You can choose any word that your puppy responds to best. Once you do, stick to it and be consistent with it.
Hand signals can be taught to puppy after they learn the initial command of your voice. It's easier for them to make the connection between the command and your hand signals. After they get used to the signals, don't always give the verbal command and vice versa. You will have a well behaved puppy that listens and obeys what you tell them to do, and it will benefit both of you as they grow older. These are some basic commands that I taught Copper from the moment that we got him, and he now knows how to roll over, play dead, spin, will leave treats that I randomly place on his body, heels on a leash, gets off/out/leaves whatever I don't want him on or to have, and alerts me when I start having a hive outbreak and start scratching anywhere on my person.
At the end of the Puppy Parenthood posting, I will be posting a video of all the tricks and tips of training your new puppy.
Until then, live long and prosper.
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Sunset
The hardest part about moving thousands of miles away from home is the loneliness. You lose that tight network of family and/or friends always there to support you. Chances have to be taken in order for journeys to be had. My experience of moving halfway across the country has taught me a lot of things. Some of them are funny little stories I get to tell my friends here and back home. Some of them are travesties that have been coming one after the other since I left. But you know what? Just when you think you're doing it all wrong, and maybe you should just throw in the towel, the universe shows you how beautiful life can be.
The greatest part about moving thousands of miles away from home is the solidarity you begin to have with yourself. Be confident in who you are because you are one of a kind. Remember that like every sunset, there will never be another one like you.
Live long and prosper.
The greatest part about moving thousands of miles away from home is the solidarity you begin to have with yourself. Be confident in who you are because you are one of a kind. Remember that like every sunset, there will never be another one like you.
Live long and prosper.
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| "Photo by: Amber" |
Friday, January 22, 2016
Snow!
Below are two of the only pictures of the WONDERFUL snow that fell last night. I stayed up all night and got to see it falling from the sky. In the morning, when the sun finally rose, my husband and I took Copper outside. He went crazy and ran around trying to sniff and eat everything. Because he is a short hair breed, he couldn't stay out in the freezing cold for long. Safely inside, my first ever snowball fight happened outside on my front lawn. It was awesome! The second photo is my first snowman, who was later turned into a snow-fort for a snowball war. Today was the best day! I hope all of you are well.
Live long and prosper.
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| Photo by: Amber |
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| Photo by: Amber |
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Puppy Parenthood: Potty Training
Puppies are cute little balls of snuggle filled sweetness sent by God himself to lick and kiss and love everyone. They're playfulness makes you smile, especially when they do something weird in the midst of their activity. When you think they can't get any cuter, they don't and pee on your floor.
Potty training is one of the most difficult part of having a puppy. Just as they start to get the hang of relieving themselves outside, you find a little chocolate doggy surprise behind the sofa. If you're like me, then you researched for hours during the night, while your new puppy yowled in their kennel, trying desperately to find ways to potty train your puppy. Fear not, for your carpet because their is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Kennel training is one of the easiest ways to potty train your puppy. Descendants of wolves, dogs share many of their ancestors traits today. One of them that will help you, is the den mentality. From a young age, puppies know not to potty where they sleep. So if you kennel your dog when it's time to sleep, they aren't likely to have an accident. That kennel works as their den. As they get older, the den expands to the whole room where you keep their kennel, then to the side of the house where their kennel is located, and one day it'll be the entire house. If you watch where your puppy has accidents, it'll help you understand when your puppy has to go, and where puppy goes when the urge comes over them.
Something I learned (the hard way) is that like human babies, puppies respond to routine. When you wake up in the morning, take puppy out to the bathroom. If you haven't already, put your puppy on a set feeding schedule. Doing so allows you to monitor when puppy might have to go, limiting the number of accidents inside. I feed Copper at 8:00am every morning, and I know ten minutes after he eats, he needs to use the potty. That's one designated potty break that puppy can look forward to every day.
After his morning and post-breakfast potty break, I let Copper run around and play. Up until he was four months old, he took a mid-morning nap from 10:00am-12:00pm. It's important to remember that puppies are growing at a fast rate, and they need 18-19 hours of sleep a day. Forcing your puppy to be awake from sun up to sundown can result in extreme crankiness, stress, and discomfort for you and your new puppy. Before Copper went to sleep for his first nap, I took him outside. In the beginning, he protested taking naps until he was actually in his kennel, where he passed out immediately.
When he woke up, he went outside right away. So in the four hours since puppy woke up in the morning, he went outside four times.
At noon he got fed lunch, then went outside ten minutes after eating. Another 1.5-2 hours of playing, and he went down for another nap at 2:00pm. Right before I put him in the kennel, he went potty. The second nap of the day I let him sleep only until 4:00pm, even if he's tired and wants to sleep longer. He goes outside to do his business, then gets to play with my husband when he gets home from work. From 4:00pm-8:00pm, Copper was able to choose when he wanted to play and when he wanted to nap. Usually, he chose play. In the middle of his fun, he got dinner at 6:00pm. And then, you guessed it, he went outside to potty.
Dinner time is when he had the most energy, so it's important to take puppy on a walk or take them outside to play. It's not always possible to go outside, and a great way to give puppy a way to release their energy is having a special after dinner toy with treats/food in it. Having that type of toy allows puppy to teethe, use critical thinking and problem solving skills, and keeps their focus on the toy (meaning there's less of a chance puppy will piddle inside!).
At 7:00pm, take puppy out again. By now, puppy is tired and ready for bed. Allow puppy a few toys that they can play with by themselves. Chew toys are great for an activity at this time. Then, 8:00pm is when puppy goes out for the last time before going into the kennel for the night. Remember to not let puppy out just because they whine. Letting them out tells them that if they cry, they can come out of the kennel. You'll never get a good night's sleep because puppy will yowl all night long wanting to be let out. Now, if puppy wakes up in the middle of the night and starts to whine, that usually means they need to go potty. TAKE THEM OUTSIDE.
This method isn't for everyone, and doesn't mean your puppy will stop having accidents altogether. This is a way to help your puppy learn how to control their bladder and bowel movements. This schedule might not work for you and your puppy, so change it as needed.
7:00am-7:45am: Wake up, take puppy outside to potty
8:00am: Feed puppy
8:10am: Potty outside
8:15am-10:00am: Puppy playtime
10:00am: Potty outside
10:00am-12:00pm: Kenneled nap time
12:00pm: Potty & lunch
12:10pm: Potty outside
12:15pm-2:00pm: Puppy playtime
2:00pm: Potty outside
2:00pm-4:00pm: Kenneled naptime
4:00pm: Potty outside
4:00pm-6:00pm: Puppy playtime
6:00pm: Dinner
6:10pm: Potty outside
6:15pm-7:00pm: Puppy playtime
7:00pm: Potty outside
7:00pm-8:00pm: Puppy relax time *chew toy*
8:00pm: Potty outside last time
8:00pm: Kenneled for the night
Remember, your puppy is a baby that is growing. There still will be accidents. Don't freak out if you make progress and then get blindsided with an indoor accident. It will get better! Copper was on this schedule from the time we got him until December of last year. Now, he sticks to the same type of schedule, but the times fluctuate with when we wake up in the morning. Believe it or not, I'm up before him every day because he hates mornings. He naps wherever he drops, and whines at the door whenever he needs to go outside. He's almost completely potty trained! Dogs aren't fully trained until their at least a year old, so don't be too hard on them when accidents happen. Enjoy this time when your puppy can be molded easily, when all they want to do is cuddle all night long, and when they haven't learned how to bark. The day will come when there will be no more pee to clean. Until next time!
Live long and prosper.
Potty training is one of the most difficult part of having a puppy. Just as they start to get the hang of relieving themselves outside, you find a little chocolate doggy surprise behind the sofa. If you're like me, then you researched for hours during the night, while your new puppy yowled in their kennel, trying desperately to find ways to potty train your puppy. Fear not, for your carpet because their is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Kennel training is one of the easiest ways to potty train your puppy. Descendants of wolves, dogs share many of their ancestors traits today. One of them that will help you, is the den mentality. From a young age, puppies know not to potty where they sleep. So if you kennel your dog when it's time to sleep, they aren't likely to have an accident. That kennel works as their den. As they get older, the den expands to the whole room where you keep their kennel, then to the side of the house where their kennel is located, and one day it'll be the entire house. If you watch where your puppy has accidents, it'll help you understand when your puppy has to go, and where puppy goes when the urge comes over them.
Something I learned (the hard way) is that like human babies, puppies respond to routine. When you wake up in the morning, take puppy out to the bathroom. If you haven't already, put your puppy on a set feeding schedule. Doing so allows you to monitor when puppy might have to go, limiting the number of accidents inside. I feed Copper at 8:00am every morning, and I know ten minutes after he eats, he needs to use the potty. That's one designated potty break that puppy can look forward to every day.
After his morning and post-breakfast potty break, I let Copper run around and play. Up until he was four months old, he took a mid-morning nap from 10:00am-12:00pm. It's important to remember that puppies are growing at a fast rate, and they need 18-19 hours of sleep a day. Forcing your puppy to be awake from sun up to sundown can result in extreme crankiness, stress, and discomfort for you and your new puppy. Before Copper went to sleep for his first nap, I took him outside. In the beginning, he protested taking naps until he was actually in his kennel, where he passed out immediately.
When he woke up, he went outside right away. So in the four hours since puppy woke up in the morning, he went outside four times.
At noon he got fed lunch, then went outside ten minutes after eating. Another 1.5-2 hours of playing, and he went down for another nap at 2:00pm. Right before I put him in the kennel, he went potty. The second nap of the day I let him sleep only until 4:00pm, even if he's tired and wants to sleep longer. He goes outside to do his business, then gets to play with my husband when he gets home from work. From 4:00pm-8:00pm, Copper was able to choose when he wanted to play and when he wanted to nap. Usually, he chose play. In the middle of his fun, he got dinner at 6:00pm. And then, you guessed it, he went outside to potty.
Dinner time is when he had the most energy, so it's important to take puppy on a walk or take them outside to play. It's not always possible to go outside, and a great way to give puppy a way to release their energy is having a special after dinner toy with treats/food in it. Having that type of toy allows puppy to teethe, use critical thinking and problem solving skills, and keeps their focus on the toy (meaning there's less of a chance puppy will piddle inside!).
At 7:00pm, take puppy out again. By now, puppy is tired and ready for bed. Allow puppy a few toys that they can play with by themselves. Chew toys are great for an activity at this time. Then, 8:00pm is when puppy goes out for the last time before going into the kennel for the night. Remember to not let puppy out just because they whine. Letting them out tells them that if they cry, they can come out of the kennel. You'll never get a good night's sleep because puppy will yowl all night long wanting to be let out. Now, if puppy wakes up in the middle of the night and starts to whine, that usually means they need to go potty. TAKE THEM OUTSIDE.
This method isn't for everyone, and doesn't mean your puppy will stop having accidents altogether. This is a way to help your puppy learn how to control their bladder and bowel movements. This schedule might not work for you and your puppy, so change it as needed.
7:00am-7:45am: Wake up, take puppy outside to potty
8:00am: Feed puppy
8:10am: Potty outside
8:15am-10:00am: Puppy playtime
10:00am: Potty outside
10:00am-12:00pm: Kenneled nap time
12:00pm: Potty & lunch
12:10pm: Potty outside
12:15pm-2:00pm: Puppy playtime
2:00pm: Potty outside
2:00pm-4:00pm: Kenneled naptime
4:00pm: Potty outside
4:00pm-6:00pm: Puppy playtime
6:00pm: Dinner
6:10pm: Potty outside
6:15pm-7:00pm: Puppy playtime
7:00pm: Potty outside
7:00pm-8:00pm: Puppy relax time *chew toy*
8:00pm: Potty outside last time
8:00pm: Kenneled for the night
Remember, your puppy is a baby that is growing. There still will be accidents. Don't freak out if you make progress and then get blindsided with an indoor accident. It will get better! Copper was on this schedule from the time we got him until December of last year. Now, he sticks to the same type of schedule, but the times fluctuate with when we wake up in the morning. Believe it or not, I'm up before him every day because he hates mornings. He naps wherever he drops, and whines at the door whenever he needs to go outside. He's almost completely potty trained! Dogs aren't fully trained until their at least a year old, so don't be too hard on them when accidents happen. Enjoy this time when your puppy can be molded easily, when all they want to do is cuddle all night long, and when they haven't learned how to bark. The day will come when there will be no more pee to clean. Until next time!
Live long and prosper.
Monday, January 18, 2016
The Season of Giving
So often around the holidays, everyone gives to the needy. You hear of friends and family volunteering at food banks, donating money to charities, and participating in toy drives. There are so many other giving opportunities in November-December time frames, but what happens to those people in need the other ninety percent of the year? All the people who give around the most wonderful time of the year forget all about them, they simply check off a box for doing a good deed once a year.
This post isn't going to be very long, just brief reminder that there are people all over the world who need help. Daily. Not just for the gift giving holidays. Reach out in your local community to help those in need. And don't worry, I'm practicing what I preach. I've got a bag of food to be donated to one of eighty five families in need in my area. It cost about seven U.S. dollars for me to do, and I can give a family, maybe even one with children, food for a week.
Just give it a try. You never know, maybe it's your calling to help people and this is the first step you take in fulfilling your ultimate destiny. Even if you only do it once, that's a life you changed. Make a difference in this world we live in.
Good luck to all of you, and please comment something that you've done/did to remember those in need. Because it's always the season of giving.
Live long and prosper.
This post isn't going to be very long, just brief reminder that there are people all over the world who need help. Daily. Not just for the gift giving holidays. Reach out in your local community to help those in need. And don't worry, I'm practicing what I preach. I've got a bag of food to be donated to one of eighty five families in need in my area. It cost about seven U.S. dollars for me to do, and I can give a family, maybe even one with children, food for a week.
Just give it a try. You never know, maybe it's your calling to help people and this is the first step you take in fulfilling your ultimate destiny. Even if you only do it once, that's a life you changed. Make a difference in this world we live in.
Good luck to all of you, and please comment something that you've done/did to remember those in need. Because it's always the season of giving.
Live long and prosper.
Friday, January 15, 2016
Like A Virgin
For the longest time, I thought being a virgin was a bad thing. Something to be ashamed of. You're labelled as a prude or stuck up. But you can't win because if you're not a virgin, you're a slut or a whore. Why is there a double standard? Men who decide to wait aren't labelled for their choice, nor are they slut shamed for deciding to have sex.
If you're someone who hasn't had sex, or if you have, I feel you should be free of judgement for making those decisions. And free of judgement if you had no say in the matter. Everyone that makes a decision based on their body shouldn't be reprimanded, criticized, ostracized, or shamed. It's YOUR body. Therefore, it's YOUR decision. Don't let people's opinions dictate your actions. That goes for both males and females. If you were forced into something, you have my deepest sympathy. There is healing, you just have to find what helps you move forward. But this post isn't solely for those who have been victims in rape cases. It's for anyone who is, or has been, a virgin.
Pressure is one of the ways significant others, one night stands, and the boy next door types try to lure girls into sleeping with them. Because you've been together for x-amount of time, you should feel comfortable enough and love the person enough to have sex with them. Getting that home run is what they're worried about. Honey, gracing them with your divine presence is home run enough. Guys, don't think I'm blaming all of this pressuring on you; girls are guilty of it too. Just because society has labeled you as sex-crazy maniacs doesn't mean you have to sleep with someone. You have the power to just say no.
Saying no can be difficult, especially in those one night stand circumstances. You've already gone home with them/brought them home, and both of you are fully expecting to take things all the way. But if at any time you feel uncomfortable, or want things to stop, speak up. It doesn't matter if the act is happening, say you don't want to continue. Both of you could have had more than your fair share of drinks that night, so technically, neither of you are coherent enough to be having sex at all. For it to be consensual sex, both parties need to be coherent and able to make the decision for themselves.
I keep saying "your body your choice" in this post because I cannot stress the power, importance, and strength of those words. Even your peers are going to try and convince you to either have sex, or stay celibate. But if you don't want to make commitments like that, then don't! You are the only person allowed to dictate your actions, no one else. No matter how long you've dated them, how long you've been friends, or how much you think they know about sex. Everyone has been a virgin at some point in their lives, don't think that the person trying to convince you that sex is amazing hasn't once been in your shoes.
If your choice is to stay a virgin, then that is your choice. Don't slut shame others for not making the same choice as you. The beauty of being human is that we have free will. Controlling someone else and their decision making does nothing but start wars. Look at Hitler and what happened with WWII.
Just remember, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, makes their own decisions, and has to go through life (sometimes making mistakes) in order to grow. Leave them alone to make their own choices. Would you want someone forcing you to do their bidding? I sure wouldn't. Be free you beautiful butterflies you.
Live long and prosper.
If you're someone who hasn't had sex, or if you have, I feel you should be free of judgement for making those decisions. And free of judgement if you had no say in the matter. Everyone that makes a decision based on their body shouldn't be reprimanded, criticized, ostracized, or shamed. It's YOUR body. Therefore, it's YOUR decision. Don't let people's opinions dictate your actions. That goes for both males and females. If you were forced into something, you have my deepest sympathy. There is healing, you just have to find what helps you move forward. But this post isn't solely for those who have been victims in rape cases. It's for anyone who is, or has been, a virgin.
Pressure is one of the ways significant others, one night stands, and the boy next door types try to lure girls into sleeping with them. Because you've been together for x-amount of time, you should feel comfortable enough and love the person enough to have sex with them. Getting that home run is what they're worried about. Honey, gracing them with your divine presence is home run enough. Guys, don't think I'm blaming all of this pressuring on you; girls are guilty of it too. Just because society has labeled you as sex-crazy maniacs doesn't mean you have to sleep with someone. You have the power to just say no.
Saying no can be difficult, especially in those one night stand circumstances. You've already gone home with them/brought them home, and both of you are fully expecting to take things all the way. But if at any time you feel uncomfortable, or want things to stop, speak up. It doesn't matter if the act is happening, say you don't want to continue. Both of you could have had more than your fair share of drinks that night, so technically, neither of you are coherent enough to be having sex at all. For it to be consensual sex, both parties need to be coherent and able to make the decision for themselves.
I keep saying "your body your choice" in this post because I cannot stress the power, importance, and strength of those words. Even your peers are going to try and convince you to either have sex, or stay celibate. But if you don't want to make commitments like that, then don't! You are the only person allowed to dictate your actions, no one else. No matter how long you've dated them, how long you've been friends, or how much you think they know about sex. Everyone has been a virgin at some point in their lives, don't think that the person trying to convince you that sex is amazing hasn't once been in your shoes.
If your choice is to stay a virgin, then that is your choice. Don't slut shame others for not making the same choice as you. The beauty of being human is that we have free will. Controlling someone else and their decision making does nothing but start wars. Look at Hitler and what happened with WWII.
Just remember, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, makes their own decisions, and has to go through life (sometimes making mistakes) in order to grow. Leave them alone to make their own choices. Would you want someone forcing you to do their bidding? I sure wouldn't. Be free you beautiful butterflies you.
Live long and prosper.
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Saturday, January 9, 2016
Cinderella's Magical Pumpkin Miscarriage
Cinderella's magical pumpkin carriage wasn't a carriage at all.
It was a miscarriage.
You know, that thing no one seems to want to acknowledge in pregnancy? Because pregnancy is such a blessing. Barfing your guts out (and then some), blowing up bigger than the Goodyear Blimp, and crying at a plastic bag blowing in the wind is the 'greatest thing' a woman will ever do in her life. But no one tells you about the one thing that will change everything,
Miscarriage.
Hearing the word sends most people taking cover from the King Kong that is miscarriage. While they're running away from the monster, you've now found yourself being held hostage, at the top of the Empire State Building, with planes flying and shooting all around you. From off in the distance, you see all those people running toward you with their own agendas on how and when to move on. Time and time again you hear, "If it wasn't meant to be, then it wasn't meant to be."
If you're anything like me, you'll want to punch those people in the throat.
Here are five things NOT to do if someone you know and love has had a miscarriage:
It's okay if you're not ready to move on, but it's not okay to blame yourself for not doing it.
You are not just part of a statistic.
Losing a baby, regardless of how far along you were, is difficult beyond words.
Take your time healing, there's no rush to get over your loss.
There are no magic wands that can be waved to take away the sadness, grief, pain, and loss you're feeling. I'm not a fairy godmother that can turn your miscarriage into the magical pumpkin carriage that you take to the ball.
You must be appalled at the way I approached this delicate topic. Honestly? I am too. It's been 25 days since I found out that my baby's heart stopped beating.
But do you want to know something? You are the strongest of the strong. Don't let anyone belittle your loss or invalidate your feelings. Take all the time you need. And if you need anything, have questions about my personal journey through hell, or have a request for a post, feel free to email me anytime.
Live long and prosper.
It was a miscarriage.
You know, that thing no one seems to want to acknowledge in pregnancy? Because pregnancy is such a blessing. Barfing your guts out (and then some), blowing up bigger than the Goodyear Blimp, and crying at a plastic bag blowing in the wind is the 'greatest thing' a woman will ever do in her life. But no one tells you about the one thing that will change everything,
Miscarriage.
Hearing the word sends most people taking cover from the King Kong that is miscarriage. While they're running away from the monster, you've now found yourself being held hostage, at the top of the Empire State Building, with planes flying and shooting all around you. From off in the distance, you see all those people running toward you with their own agendas on how and when to move on. Time and time again you hear, "If it wasn't meant to be, then it wasn't meant to be."
If you're anything like me, you'll want to punch those people in the throat.
Here are five things NOT to do if someone you know and love has had a miscarriage:
- Stop messaging them, calling them, sending them sympathy cards. Stop it immediately. Letting them know you're thinking of them, and there if they need you, is still pushing the limit. Every time you reach out to them, no matter what your intentions are, it reminds them of what they've lost. Your intentions might be honorable and the best intentions anyone has ever had in the history of time, but if the person who's had a miscarriage isn't ready to talk about it, stop trying to force them to.
- Normal is the best medicine. When you tip-toe around feelings every time you see the person, it reminds them. Being normal allows them to control their emotions and feel like they can move on. It's hard not to constantly show sympathy to someone you love when they're hurting, but doing so keeps them rooted in the past. Let them see that having a miscarriage doesn't mean an end to them.
- Do not under any circumstances force them into spending time with you. Yes, they know you love them and you're thinking about them. No, the are not ready to go out to lunch with you and your pregnant wife after church on Sunday. That doesn't mean they hate you, never want to speak to you again, or any other cockamamie reason you could possibly think of. It means they are not ready to talk about it. Telling someone, whether they're male or female, that "you never know, he/she might want to," is the biggest load of bull crap that it puts what happened to Biff Tannen and his car to shame. Obviously, a person's significant other would know what they'd want better than you. Stop forcing yourself on them.
- Understand that what you feel isn't the main focus. This just in: you are not the center of the solar system, galaxy, or universe. Your feelings might get hurt because of something they say to you. You might be the person that they run to, cry to, and openly talk about their loss with. Regardless of who you are to them, understand that they are not, nor should they be, worried about your feelings. You didn't lose a child. They did. Hop off your high horse of wisdom, humble yourself, and stop getting butt hurt over every little thing.
- Time heals. Where normal is the best medicine, time is what actually heals. Every person who's suffered from a miscarriage is different. Maybe you know more than one person who's had the misfortune, and they were back to normal in a month. The same cannot be said for everyone. Allow them to heal at their own pace, and don't push them to heal faster. You'll knock them all the way back to day one in their recovery process.
It's okay if you're not ready to move on, but it's not okay to blame yourself for not doing it.
You are not just part of a statistic.
Losing a baby, regardless of how far along you were, is difficult beyond words.
Take your time healing, there's no rush to get over your loss.
There are no magic wands that can be waved to take away the sadness, grief, pain, and loss you're feeling. I'm not a fairy godmother that can turn your miscarriage into the magical pumpkin carriage that you take to the ball.
You must be appalled at the way I approached this delicate topic. Honestly? I am too. It's been 25 days since I found out that my baby's heart stopped beating.
But do you want to know something? You are the strongest of the strong. Don't let anyone belittle your loss or invalidate your feelings. Take all the time you need. And if you need anything, have questions about my personal journey through hell, or have a request for a post, feel free to email me anytime.
Live long and prosper.
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