Every so often, I tend to go on these binges of loving/hating certain areas of my life. The areas I love get all the attention, and the ones I don't love as much get pushed by the wayside. Maybe it's a global phenomenon, or maybe it's just me. Either way, figuring out how to manage the effort and time put into life's events is difficult. Especially for me.
Lately, I've been trying to prepare my future son's nursery (yes, it's a BOY!). This is something that not only am I looking forward to finishing more than anything I've started in my life, but I also never want to set foot in that room. Why? Because there are boxes, unopened toys, clothes piles, diapers, wipes, and so many other things you need to have for a baby that it's overwhelming. So my thought is out of sight, out of mind. Sound logic, right?
Wrong.
Now, I'm only a week away from my third and final trimester. That means this little nugget is going to be here before I know it, and I can't even keep my house clean on a daily basis, let alone organize and build an entirely new room for an entirely new human. It's a daunting task for anyone.
There are other areas of my life where I wish I would have spent more time enjoying the moments than choosing to cling to a toilet bowl (though I rarely had the actual choice not to). If only I could go back in time and read more parenting books, pregnancy blogs, learn about all the different classes you can take while pregnant, but instead I was afraid. Yes, afraid. Terrified is a better word. I was afraid because I didn't want to be prepared for no reason. I was afraid because I had gotten my hopes up once before, and everything just ended in the matter of eight words: "I'm sorry, but I can't find the heartbeat." Now, there IS a heartbeat; one that's been beating for the past 27 weeks. He is here to stay, and I have no idea what to do.
It just so happens that my husband is no better at this than I am, preparation for baby that is. We both have only recently started trying to get the nursery together, and honestly our efforts are in vain. It's barely even started. As excited as he is to be having a son, he hasn't quite grasped the fact that he's having a SON. The responsibility of another person's life is in his hands, is in my hands. We could royally screw this up.
But through the terror, there's something inside of me that's started to emerge. Something stronger than I've ever been, something I've never had before. A mother's instincts. People everywhere give you advice on everything when you're pregnant, even people who have never been pregnant feel the need to put in their two cents. Though they feel their intentions are noble and that their suggestions will be your saving grace, follow your instincts. Honestly, I've had a lot of unsolicited advice from people over the past seven months, and the only advice I've actually put into practice is this: ___________ .
Nothing.
Pregnancy is different for every single woman. Do what your instincts tell you. (See, even I'm guilty of a little unsolicited advice.) If something someone has told you in the past just so happens to be what your instincts are telling you, then cool. If not, just do whatever is best for you. Be forewarned, there are going to be moments when you want nothing more than to just throw in the towel when it comes to listening to other people telling you what to do, but stand strong. Eventually, you'll be able to tune it out.
This blog originally started as a way for me to be super negative about life because I had a miscarriage. It turned into something else, and I'm not entirely sure what that 'else' is. Don't think this is turning into a full blown mommy blog where I start doing monthly freezer meal recipes. (I'm not bashing those blogs or moms, but that just isn't me.) Having it all together is something that I've yet to do in my brief time here on Earth, and I don't think that I'm going to have it together anytime soon. So if you're like me, then stick around because this ride is about to get wild. A newborn baby, a dog who's still classified as a puppy, only having been married a year, and living a thousand miles away from family is going to make things pretty hectic. But hey, it wouldn't be life if it wasn't chaos!
Thank you all for your patience with my erratic/nonexistent posts, and thank you even more for taking the time out of your hectic lives to read what I have to say. If anyone has anything they would like to add or say, feel free to do so down in the comments. You can also tell me about some of your pregnancy advice war stories if you have them. ;)
Live long and prosper.
